What if number 39 - Food Transfer

What if all the food you ate went to somebody else? -Suggestion from Von Von

So! FOOD! Some people hate it, some people love it, some people can't get enough of it, and some people can't actually get any of it. Now! As we all sit around the campfire ROASTING MARSHMALLOWS (I'm... meeel... ting....) we come to realise that food is important. While there are still countries out there that suffer from poverty, we shall always finish out meals. All true asians are taught one thing. IT IS A SIN TO LEAVE A GRAIN OF RICE IN YOUR BOWL!! It's true! Totally a sin!!

So... what if we can like... link our stomachs to someone else? Like.... "sponsor a child with this new device that transports all the extra food that you consume into their bodies on the other side of africa". THAT IS ONE LONG CATCH PHRASE. What a mouthfull. Try saying that 10 times 10 times faster than you possibly can.

I got commented that I was so thin, and I eat so much. Jo said that he reckons that all the food that I eat go to him, and all the food that he eats... well... goes to himself. So I'M HUNGRY!!

That would be cool though, but problem is... how would YOU get energy? Didn't think of that one von. EH!

What if number 38 - Lock stocked an ready to rock!

What if the whole zombie thing came to life?
Recently watched a movie called 28 weeks later !!! zomfg zombies!!! well... more like insanely aggressive pathogen that lead to insanity and violence. MMM Zombies!! in other words. Mindlessly eating you!

This is what I'd do :
First thing's first. This is what I'd do. Go to the garden shed (or garage) pick out a shovel/fork. Find a cleaver of some sort. Duct tape. And you have yourself a sturdy extension cleaver! Find some rope so you can hang it on your back.
Next, fill up some clean water and put it in your back pack, some food supplies and then some knives and put them into your vest that you've saved up on. Put on a ski mask and goggles and It's time to go hunting!
After packing my bags for a few weeks travel. I'd phone up my friends to see if they need assistance. Then if they do, i'd rush over and smash some skulls open. But if not, tell them to arm up and then we'll head to the city to liberate some shotguns. Or equally nice, a gun store (if you know where it is - next to work and income on riccarton!!) Clear the city of zombies and find survivors. Well... that's me if zombies were to invade. Similar situation with aliens.

Meh! too much movies i'd say. But... you never know!!! NZ isn't a country someone would test their virus on anyway. Try like.... New York :D or Japan!!! Tokyo highest population density :D

What if number 27 - You can't handel the truth!

What if there was something you could take to make you speak the truth?

Well... many people would claim that I'm in the clinical trial already (zing!) and that i'm not getting the placebo! MMMM FETUS! dunno where that came from, from the word placebo reminds me of a fetus pie!!! MMMMM!!! DELICIOUS! *makes gurgling sounds as he consumes a bloody fetus pie*

Well.... this idea is basically the whole "YOU CAN'T HANDEL THE TRUTH" thing isn't it? Sorta relates to me as well. Truth usually can't be handled, but.... it's really just my opinion! SO..... "YOU CAN'T HANDEL MY OPINIONS!!!" I sound so kewl. All i need know is a brown hat and a long matrix jacket thingy. COAT! that's the word.

*dum dee dum dum*
This post is by far the most off track post EVER

What if number 21 - The One RING!

What if you found a ring that can make you invisible like on LOTR (lord of the rings)?

Of course, NATURALLY - since I'm guy - I'd sneak around into the girls locker room ;) then the boyz! *grabs wet towel - hears slapping sounds and men screaming in pain* he he he! Then.... I'll touch M.C. Hammer cause he won't see me coming! *can't touch this!*

Well... lets just put aside all them weird side effects like wanting to keep it for yourself...... WHO THE FUCK WOULDN'T!!! If you gave it to someone else, you will never be able to find it ever again anyway! CAUSE THEY'RE FUCKIN INVISIBLE!!! So you can't exactly say that's a side effect. And the weird ring you see in the sky when you put it on? CUT! Lets just disenchant that spell! *waves a toothbrush like a wand*

Aside from the sneaking around... I'm pretty sure there is nothing else you can do with a ring that turns you invisible. The whole point to being invisible is..... to sneak around and elude 70% of your senses YOUR EYES! Would suck if you were tying to rob a blind guy though, HE'LL KNOW YOU'RE THERE!!! Since he's like... all wired up without eyes and stuff.

*steals your underwear as you read this - EBAY!!! YES!*

What if number 13 - Earth goes Kaboom!

What if one day a death star comes around and blows up the earth? (or something like hitch hiker's guide to the galaxy)

Well... not too sure what I'd do floating on a hunk of earth in my house staring into deep space. Or THAT SECOND MOON!!! What the hell? THAT WASN'T THERE BEFORE!!!? Before we drift off into space, lets rewind a little bit.

Why would a death start wanna blow up earth anyway? We're not exactly gonna be developing X-Wings anytime soon. Space flight has just started. I'd think we'd make better slaves (personally I'd rather be a slave ;) kidding).

Man... I really don't know. Not much you can do about it really, maybe have a cry (forced of course as the atmosphere depletes and tears are sucked out of you and your blood turned to obsidian) or puke your guts out (that one's not as literal). Or blow up with the planet :D it'll totally suck being the dude(s) that get hit directly with the lazer though. Zap! "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust." YEA RIGHT! More like "Oh my god he's been literally obliterated!!"

What if number 11 - Hair pill

What if you could change your hair colour by taking a pill every day?

Comon~~ honestly? Don't tell me you haven't thought of this before! At some point in your life you have wanted to dye your hair. Either to piss off your parents, look cool, or even just out of an act of randomness. COME ON!!!

I've thought about dying my hair before. But havn't gone around to working on that just yet. not a big fan of dying hair... getting it bleached.... yuck. And expensive. But now~~ There's a safe little pill you can take once a day before bed time that turns your hair growing sites on your head assemble a specific colour. If you take it often enough, you'll have yourself naturally looking hair colour. Won't even have to worry about dying it in a few months to hide the true colour.

All you have to do, it keep taking that specific pill and you'll grow that awesome hair of yours. No touch-ups, no disgusting feel and smell of hair, best of all, little effort required. That and you can mix and match and make a RAINBOW HAIR!!!!! awesum!!

Mmmmmmm rainbow hair

What if number 7 - Under the sea

What if you could live under the sea?
Well... first of all I'll visit sponge bob. HA! God I hate that show, who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS!!!! I just wanna strangle the damn sponge. Maybe use him to scrub my feet or something. Bet he'll like that. Being gay and all. Well..... prob not.

Aside from the Sponge at the bottom of the sea. It would be a marvel to live under water. In fact there is a construction going on in Dubai. Very Sexy. It's called the Hydropolis (both links will take u to the same page). But what I'm talking about is TOTALLY UNDER THE SEA!!!

Submerged and built to sit on the bottom of the sea. Ahhh... I can see it now, a city growing inside a massive dome using volcanic activity as a source of power. Very very awesums. Imagine the pressure if we were to use glass as a shielding. What if there was a leak? ZOMG!!! drown under the sea where nobody can find you. That and where would we get all that glass. I'm gonna go with shielding technology. Like all those you see on SCI FI!! Fuck yea!

What if number 1 - Lonly Space

What if we are all alone in the universe?

No alien scum, no advanced civilization beyond the ever growing gap in space?
I wonder if we'll be the most advanced civilization in the universe. Man... that'll be annoying, nobody to look up to for scientific direction.
So empty space will be, and then came MAN!!! And their advanced breeding capability!! Spells sex!!!
Everyone enjoys SEX!!! Unless you haven't had it before, you can't exactly enjoy it. Maybe you will during it.
Seriously! WHAT IF we are the most advanced sentient beings in the universe? MAN O MAN! That'll suck big alien balls.
As you contemplate on all the possibilities I'll contemplate about the next What if.
Seriously!!! THAT'LL SUCK!