What if number 46 - Moo!! what!!?

What if a sheep moo-ed at you?

Well, I'd ask myself, WHAT HAVE I BEEN SMOKING!!! And maybe I'll stare the sheep down in an ultimate eye lid closing contest. Most likely I'll win cause I'm so awesome i will scare the sheep into blinking! (yes yea, I know, sheep don't HAVE eye lids!!! [yes if you didn't know you do now]) It'll be ultimate!
Back on track! If a sheep did moo at me, i'll probably wait till it does it again, and again and then again! But besides from checking to see if i've been taking any illegal substances (or legal) I'd check to see if there's a cow nearby, cus if there's a cow nearby like say... NEXT TO THE SHEEP!!! it'll cover for the sheep by mooing with the sheep's mouth open! DECEPTIVE!!! Very!!!
Until next time a farm animal behaves strangely, I will behave strangely! <- i have no idea what that means.

What if number 44 - Humiliation

What would you do!!?

Well seems to everyone (ahem!!! you guys suck!!!) that he'd get a slap in the face! And maybe a kick in the nuts! But come ON!!! Nobody likes being the center of attention! But you do have to give this guy a looooot of credit and guts to even try ANYTHING like this. Takes really large amount of courage and willpower to throw yourself at the mercy of another. Almost like putting yourself on the guillotine WAITING for your head to come off rolling.
But see it from my point of view. This man! Not this specific one cause this is a tv show, but if ANYONE did that, he will not hesitate to do anything else that would cause a lot of commotion. And will not hesitate to save someone else from humiliation. And they would ask you to do the same and be kind to them.

I'd call anyone a legend who will do this!

What if number 41 - Does it come with horses?

What if your pumpkin turned into a carriage?
Well!! Lets just get the obvious things that I'd do out of the way first
1.) rub my eyes and ask myself am I trippin on acid!!
2.) Take a serious chunk out of it with my teeth to see if it's edible.
3.) Ask the fairy god mother that turned it there "who the fuck are you"
4.) Shortly followed by a "Where are the horses?"
After a few minutes of explaining, that bitch told me she's gonna charge me by the hour and I have to provide the horses!! FUCK THAT!! Asked her how come cinderella got two!! She said that she had a "comes with free horses" back in those days SINCE THEY WERE DIRT CHEAP *relativity*

So I jump in the carriage and then chill for a while, and she was just getting so annoying telling me all these minor details. I signed and then turned up the stereo inside (dolby surround 7.1) Sat in there for a good while before I got bored of the music. Called up a bro and got hooked up with a few horses (don't ask). Took the carriage for a ride.

Me and the horses went all the way up to the top of that hill (which took a few hours) and then watched some moon. "Ahhh what a lovely sight" as i stared out from the carriage. Suddenly it started creaking and the entire thing started to shrink. I dived out only to have my foot caught by the door. Next thing I knew, it was a pumpkin again!

FUCKIN FINE PRINT!!!

What if number 28 - Shush! yoo demon!

What if that little voice in your head gets the better of you?

Well...... sometimes, Timmy here wants to come out and play. WITH A KNIFE!!!! Cause he's a slasher... of prices! (cus he owns a store - like in hot fuzz).

Ever experience a little voice in your head telling you to do stuff? Or... not do stuff in some people's cases? Sometimes it's common sense talking. Sorta like when you open a bottle of wine, common sense says... "don't chug the whole thing now... you'll look like a dipshit". You might listen, you might not. But its the ones like "mmm, you know you wanna grab that ass" you shouldn't listen to. HARMFUL STUFF THAT!

It's okay children, drugs are bad! If you don't believe me ask your Dad

Feels like I'm taking crazy pills!!! - Mugatu - Zoolander
I know i am ;)

What if number 17 - Sky Food

What if the sky wanted to eat you while you are flying on an aeroplane?
Hey mommy, what's that black space out there? outside of the aeroplane?
It's just space honey, that dark outline above us is the space! Where the moon is.
No... that's up there. I'm talking about that giant mouth like thing over there.
Oh Timmy, I think you're just tired, suffering from that jet lag.
MOMMY!!! I'm not tired! Look!!! *points at gaping mouth like hole in the sky*
Yea right Tim....my.....
I think it's time you screamed says a mysterious hooded figure holding a massive scythe.
STOP! YOU! IN THE HOOD! PUT DOWN THE WEAPON says the enthusiastic air mashall
Fark Yoo all!!! Long live allah!!! says the terrorist who opens his vest and shows a giant red button and presses it.

(intercom) Ladies and gentlemen please stay seated we're getting eaten by the sky, I'm going to start evasive maneuvers and perform an emergency landing on the nearby island. Belt up thanks, your captain (intercom ends)

Everyone stares blankly at each other and then rush to see the outside of the plane. Indeed there has been a development of a gaping black mouth-like hole. "Ooooo, this is goooood. I'm totally getting a raise today" screams Death and then begins to start a manacle laugh.

Timmy : Why is it always me?

What if number 14 - Gravity = 0

What if there was a switch to turn off gravity and where would it be?

A switch so devastating that would make things seem weightless? GREAT SCOTT (like Doc from Back to the future) A FLUX CAPACITOR? Yea... well.... we don't need a flux capacitor for this field trip. We'll be needing to make large quantities of "UNOBTANIUM" (wiki) dig down to the core and turn it off!!! That's right! TURN OFF GRAVITY!!!

Well.... the concept of turning off gravity has been around for a while now, ever since newton discovered it, people have always been pressed to nullify it. There's a slight difference to "countering gravity" and "nullifying" it. For example. An aeroplane counters gravity by providing it's own upward thrust. But nullifying it will be breaking the bonds between gravity and the object. ENOUGH SCIENCE I SAY. All this technobabble is increasing my intelligence~!! I want to be a Neanderthal!

Lets just say... you found the switch. What do you do? Do... you... become the adventurer and turn it off? Leave it out of fear?
Good questions. But....!!! It will change the world!!!!! Maybe even for a few seconds. Planes will fly upwards more, Michael Jordan will jump over the basketball hoop. That would be cooool. Extra hang time. Well.... except they won't fall down at ALL, if you don't turn it back on. When they do though, you'll be breaking their bones!! OUCH!

What if number 13 - Earth goes Kaboom!

What if one day a death star comes around and blows up the earth? (or something like hitch hiker's guide to the galaxy)

Well... not too sure what I'd do floating on a hunk of earth in my house staring into deep space. Or THAT SECOND MOON!!! What the hell? THAT WASN'T THERE BEFORE!!!? Before we drift off into space, lets rewind a little bit.

Why would a death start wanna blow up earth anyway? We're not exactly gonna be developing X-Wings anytime soon. Space flight has just started. I'd think we'd make better slaves (personally I'd rather be a slave ;) kidding).

Man... I really don't know. Not much you can do about it really, maybe have a cry (forced of course as the atmosphere depletes and tears are sucked out of you and your blood turned to obsidian) or puke your guts out (that one's not as literal). Or blow up with the planet :D it'll totally suck being the dude(s) that get hit directly with the lazer though. Zap! "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust." YEA RIGHT! More like "Oh my god he's been literally obliterated!!"

What if number 10 - Big Foot n babies

What if big foot enjoys eating babies?
Well..... that's a bit far fetched you say. Oh~~ totally not a big foot out there. Oh~~ he totally doesn't exist. Oh~~ you suck!!. Oh~~ how about a stfu and it's my what if page?
Lets just -- for amusement -- say that big foot was a real creature in the woods wandering around the Canadian border. He's just chillin, nice and hairy, looking for a big foot-ess and to have some big footted children. Ya know, keep the population going and all. Since the land of hairless doesn't appreciate a well haired, big footed being. *Big foot shuns us all*

Lets just say the primary source of food for big foot was babies. That's why kids and other youngans are being kidnapped all around~ TO FEED THE MONSTER!!! Babies are probably pretty yummy to ol'big foot. I mean... freshly squeezed out. You wouldn't eat a fetus that has gotten old and tense now do ya. Want them fresh and cherry. (BTW every egg you eat is a fetus!! YUM)

Seriously, that'll be kinda a problem for us.

What if number 8 - Boogy Man

What if there really was a boogy man!!

To be honest, I never did think there was someone in my closet, due to the fact that it wasn't exactly a door shut closet. It was a sliding closet, ONE WITH A MIRROR OF DEATH!!!!! Where you look at it for too long and your face begins to warp into what you'd be like if you were dead. Sorta like in the Philosophers' Stone in Harry Potter! Except YOU DIE!!!

I've been thinking of telling my kids the day that they're old enough about the shenanigans(doubt you could spell that right the first go) of the "Boogy man~~" *ooooooooo~~*. Of course, if you know me, you'd be saying "what is this person up to". (and even if you don't you probably know that I'm gonna do something traumatizing to them) Okay, set the seed of falsehood *check!*, set the distraction *check!* JUMP AT THEM OUT OF THE CLOSET!! MUAHAHAAA!!!!! My evil plan will now cause thousands of dollars of therapy. Man, I'm an awesome Dad.

But seriously, if the boogy man existed, he must be a pedophile, sleeping under children's beds. That'll just be odd if he sleeps under adult's beds. That's just damn creepy. Maybe like a peeping tom. Hummm... *I'm a pee pee* (for those of you who think that's crazy, watch Boston legal season 3)

What if number 6 - Nemo Sushi Anyone?

What if we never found Nemo?
Just some foot notes on the top of this : Nemo is related to the animated movie created by Pixar called "Finding Nemo". If you don't want the story to be ruined etc etc. Turn away.

Think about it, a twist of fate lead to the finding of Nemo anyway to begin with. So what happens if the dad (forgot... prob Martin or something) never found his son?

OH MAN!!! I'm feeling like crying now. (not that I am gunna cause I'm a man and all *hides soaked tissues*) Think about it, if Nemo just stayed in that tank forever and ever and ever, well.. maybe for a year or two before the thermometer/temp moderator of the fish tank blows up (THAT ALWAYS HAPPENS). Then it'll just be "finding nemo's corpse". totally yuck. Kids would totally want to see that.
"Hey mommy, is Nemo sleeping?"
"Yea.... sleeping forever.... (fuck, stupid movie - I wonder if that guy over there's single?)"
"Hey mommy, Nemo's floating upwards... why?"
"Yea, fish float (mmmm he's totally yummy)"
"Hey mommy..."
"FOR FUCK SAKES TIMMY NEMO IS SLEEPING WITH THE FISHES!!! HE IS FUCKIN DEAD!!! GEEEZ!!"

What if number 3 - Energizer!

What if you can eat batteries and get energy from it?

Comon! who hasn't thought about eating batteries before? I for one haven't until yesterday while coming up with more what ifs. I'm pretty sure babies would be like "ooooo shiny and round" *gulp* Totally sexy!! (no idea where that come from)

Imagine that if you could ingest batteries and gain energy from it. SURE, you could put it in a a clock and it runs, so why not you?

Lets assume for one moment that eating a battery gives you energy. You could literally start lighting up light bulbs by holding onto a light bulb correctly to from a current. SWEET~!! You could totally zap people. And when everyone holds hands, you can revive someone!! *CLEAR!!* Johnny!! are you okay? *holding him around the shoulders* "No~~~" *shaking from the zapping you're still doing*

And everyone would have afro hair :D Waboof!