What if number 40 - My bad doc...

What if you enjoy your prostate examination a little too much?
Was just thinking about the whole checkup thing... As it occurred to me... what if you did... enjoy it a little too much... Been reading about stuff on the internet about how prostate stimulation could be pleasurable. Since the whole point to a prostate examination is to anal probe you, what if.... You... were to be... aroused by this foreign entity?

Well... personally... I'd probably say to the doc... "before we do this... i'm just gonna ask you a few questions... What if i were to be... ya know... aroused at it... cause i've been hearing things ya know... so... i'd like to know you a little better if we are gonna do this - just lemme know, do you likem big titties? or likem nice asses? comon! Just lemme know that at least"
If the doctor is gay... well.... at least he'll be gentle. That's always a plus.

"Ooopse, get the tissue, I'll clean that up" - hehehe
Just a random thought

What if number 38 - Lock stocked an ready to rock!

What if the whole zombie thing came to life?
Recently watched a movie called 28 weeks later !!! zomfg zombies!!! well... more like insanely aggressive pathogen that lead to insanity and violence. MMM Zombies!! in other words. Mindlessly eating you!

This is what I'd do :
First thing's first. This is what I'd do. Go to the garden shed (or garage) pick out a shovel/fork. Find a cleaver of some sort. Duct tape. And you have yourself a sturdy extension cleaver! Find some rope so you can hang it on your back.
Next, fill up some clean water and put it in your back pack, some food supplies and then some knives and put them into your vest that you've saved up on. Put on a ski mask and goggles and It's time to go hunting!
After packing my bags for a few weeks travel. I'd phone up my friends to see if they need assistance. Then if they do, i'd rush over and smash some skulls open. But if not, tell them to arm up and then we'll head to the city to liberate some shotguns. Or equally nice, a gun store (if you know where it is - next to work and income on riccarton!!) Clear the city of zombies and find survivors. Well... that's me if zombies were to invade. Similar situation with aliens.

Meh! too much movies i'd say. But... you never know!!! NZ isn't a country someone would test their virus on anyway. Try like.... New York :D or Japan!!! Tokyo highest population density :D

What if number 32 - X-tention?

What if I started including disgusting content to my what ifs?

Well... lately, things have been a bit slow. *throws a dice and then places cards down* I think i need to get the creative juices flowing. But I just can't do it these days. That's why I have a reserve list of things that I've written down.

Some of them interesting... some of them... kinda funny... random... weird.... something i'd probably do in my lifetime (notice how that they are all my labels?). What if I started to include some really really really disgusting stuff.... I know that'll degrade the overall flow of this what if quality, sorta like fear factor, how they sorta just went downhill and then when they've hit rock bottom, they get a diamond bit drill and dig even deeper into the magma! BUT NO! MAGMA DIDN'T STOP THEM! They built that machine that dug through lava and stuff.... like on the core! WORST MOVIE EVER! BAH!

I'll have a think about this, obviously this is quite a big deal imo, cause COMON!!! It's like..... adding shit to a funky sundae. And i like my funky sundaes, with fries in them :D not shit.

What if number 30 - O..M...G.... *slits writs*

What if Teletubbies made a movie?

First thing's first *rips open his arm with a blade*
On a side note. It's been one MONTH! yayzors!!! (yes zors)
Second thing i would do is if i'm still alive after going to the emergency room and a consult from my therapist, and going through mental rehab. OKAY THAT'S FUCKIN ENOUGH! I'm gonna pick up a chain saw and head towards the Studio in which they made the god damn movie. How? I'll just google it. You might say, what are you gonna do at the studio? I'M GONNA RIP IT UP WITH MY CHAIN SAW!!!! Diamond bit ;) Obviously cause i need to carve through steel.
Third thing after standing outside the studio as it crumbles to the ground slowly. I'll stand in a glorious "superhero-saves-the-day" pose and let the wind catch my hair for a while. Maybe for like... 10 min. Bask in the demolished building's ashes, smell the sweat and tears of the actors that had to put on the damn suits.
Fourth. After the third, I'll jump into my monster truck (yay!) and head on down to kill the purple teletubby. Since he's the ring leader. Roll over ever car that gets in my way. except SUVs, they might flip my monster truck :(. Aside from that! I'll rip into the eldest teletubby. Not with a chain saw though. Just... an operating knife! slowly but surely I'll cut out his brain and examine it for stupidity. Obviously it'll be contaminated in it.
Fifth - Seventh. The other 3 teletubbies will face a strange death. Freak gas explosion. Decapitation. Chewing on his own balls.
FINALLY, I'll end up in jail probably as a hero for saving the world from total destruction. Bask in the glory of penises!

What if number 29 - Whole year promise? (Zettai Yaksoku~~)

What if I could do this for a whole year straight?

Well... first of all, I know I know... I've been saying this to everyone. But! (shikashi) What if i really do pull this stunt off? a massively long blog for 365 posts!! I mean.... that's totally whack right?

At this very moment, I do have a stash of what ifs lined up in my little notepad of mine. WHICH I'M NOT GONNA SHOW ANYONE EVER!!! except maybe myself and George here. I do have some good ones here, some are mediocre, most are above average I'd say. I mean... I did come up with them :D Cause i'm such a legend and all. :D LEGENDZ! with a Z cause i can. I'll try to make it up to 100, then we'll see how far i can go. I'll keep pumping ideas out like a whore house n leaving patrons.

Bottom line is.
It would be awesumz! Totally legendary!

What if number 21 - The One RING!

What if you found a ring that can make you invisible like on LOTR (lord of the rings)?

Of course, NATURALLY - since I'm guy - I'd sneak around into the girls locker room ;) then the boyz! *grabs wet towel - hears slapping sounds and men screaming in pain* he he he! Then.... I'll touch M.C. Hammer cause he won't see me coming! *can't touch this!*

Well... lets just put aside all them weird side effects like wanting to keep it for yourself...... WHO THE FUCK WOULDN'T!!! If you gave it to someone else, you will never be able to find it ever again anyway! CAUSE THEY'RE FUCKIN INVISIBLE!!! So you can't exactly say that's a side effect. And the weird ring you see in the sky when you put it on? CUT! Lets just disenchant that spell! *waves a toothbrush like a wand*

Aside from the sneaking around... I'm pretty sure there is nothing else you can do with a ring that turns you invisible. The whole point to being invisible is..... to sneak around and elude 70% of your senses YOUR EYES! Would suck if you were tying to rob a blind guy though, HE'LL KNOW YOU'RE THERE!!! Since he's like... all wired up without eyes and stuff.

*steals your underwear as you read this - EBAY!!! YES!*

What if number 15 - Shiny~~

What if I attend every social function wrapped in aluminum foil?
*music* "Domo aligato Mr. Roboto. Domoaligato Mr. Roboto" *flashing lights n techno music* Of course I'll be the one that's flashing since I'm CONSUMED IN ALUMINUM FOIL!!!!! ROCK ON!!

Don't know what I'd be doing though, Why am I in all this foil? What can I do now that I am wrapped in this foil? I'll tell you!!

*empty empty empty*

Okay... maybe that was planned out a few seconds ago. I think I'd look silly (one). Think I'd also be scary (two). Think..... people would talk? (three) hummmmmm (four). I don't know.... (five). Maybe.... I'd look.... like I'm doing something? (six). Six sentences :D but still no real reason why I would dress up in foil. I'd have clothes underneath though. Maybe I'll block out magnetic waves or something. So when the aliens abduct you all!! I'll be by myself. Since I won't show up on their radar. Yay!

*turns music on full blasts and does the robot*

What if number 8 - Boogy Man

What if there really was a boogy man!!

To be honest, I never did think there was someone in my closet, due to the fact that it wasn't exactly a door shut closet. It was a sliding closet, ONE WITH A MIRROR OF DEATH!!!!! Where you look at it for too long and your face begins to warp into what you'd be like if you were dead. Sorta like in the Philosophers' Stone in Harry Potter! Except YOU DIE!!!

I've been thinking of telling my kids the day that they're old enough about the shenanigans(doubt you could spell that right the first go) of the "Boogy man~~" *ooooooooo~~*. Of course, if you know me, you'd be saying "what is this person up to". (and even if you don't you probably know that I'm gonna do something traumatizing to them) Okay, set the seed of falsehood *check!*, set the distraction *check!* JUMP AT THEM OUT OF THE CLOSET!! MUAHAHAAA!!!!! My evil plan will now cause thousands of dollars of therapy. Man, I'm an awesome Dad.

But seriously, if the boogy man existed, he must be a pedophile, sleeping under children's beds. That'll just be odd if he sleeps under adult's beds. That's just damn creepy. Maybe like a peeping tom. Hummm... *I'm a pee pee* (for those of you who think that's crazy, watch Boston legal season 3)