What if number 48 - Hey there cowboy~~

What if a horse wanted to ride you instead?

Yee haw? Scary thought, some chicks do this for a living, playing with.... ya know.... stuff... well, lets just say, where do you think "hung like a horse" came from? I'd first of all take my horse to my local clinic and hear the doctor say, "is it just me? Or he has a long face!?" We'll have a laugh and then i'll smash him in the face with the horses.... tail! yes TAIL! That's after I ask him if it's safe for a horse to ride me. DUH! Of course it's safe - is what the doctor will say! Yee haw?

Which reminds me of a joke : One day, a man and his horse took the dog running in the field, they ran and they ran and then ran, then they stopped to take a break. Suddenly the dog said, "Man! I'm so tired!!" The man was so scared that he jumped on the horse and then they rode off as fast as they possibly can. They stopped, the man said, "Oh shit, did we lose him?! ", then the horse said, "I didn't know that dogs could talk!!"

What if number 47 - Charlie?

What if you saw a unicorn?

Well! a freaking UNICORN!!!! ZOMFG!!!! I'd rub my eyes! and then pluck it's horn off and sell it! That's assuming that I'm right about it being a real unicorn cus then i'll just be kicked in the face. I'd probably be kicked in the face.
ANYWAY seeing as how you're not suppose to approach "horse like" creatures with force and speed - it threatens them! YES massive several hundred kg beasts are scared of something literally HALF THEIR SIZE! AMAZING! I'd be the richest person in the world! Selling off 'REAL' unicorn horn. I'll name him charlie (see clip here). And i'll set a meadow on fire!

What if number 46 - Moo!! what!!?

What if a sheep moo-ed at you?

Well, I'd ask myself, WHAT HAVE I BEEN SMOKING!!! And maybe I'll stare the sheep down in an ultimate eye lid closing contest. Most likely I'll win cause I'm so awesome i will scare the sheep into blinking! (yes yea, I know, sheep don't HAVE eye lids!!! [yes if you didn't know you do now]) It'll be ultimate!
Back on track! If a sheep did moo at me, i'll probably wait till it does it again, and again and then again! But besides from checking to see if i've been taking any illegal substances (or legal) I'd check to see if there's a cow nearby, cus if there's a cow nearby like say... NEXT TO THE SHEEP!!! it'll cover for the sheep by mooing with the sheep's mouth open! DECEPTIVE!!! Very!!!
Until next time a farm animal behaves strangely, I will behave strangely! <- i have no idea what that means.

What if number 45 - Doors

What if doors have feelings too?

Little Timmy comes home and slams the door in anger cause his girlfriend broke up with him. He's very very angry - but hold on, this isn't a story about poor depressed Timmy, it's about the poor door who didn't really do much to Timmy in the first place. I mean, honestly, does the door deserve such a cruel punishment for no apparent reason at all? What if a door had feelings!!! Did you ever consider that? It was so happy minding it's own business and then BAM!! a boy with raging hormones destroys it's day by slamming him against well... the wall?
Should think about that :( Doors have feelings too....

What if number 44 - Humiliation

What would you do!!?

Well seems to everyone (ahem!!! you guys suck!!!) that he'd get a slap in the face! And maybe a kick in the nuts! But come ON!!! Nobody likes being the center of attention! But you do have to give this guy a looooot of credit and guts to even try ANYTHING like this. Takes really large amount of courage and willpower to throw yourself at the mercy of another. Almost like putting yourself on the guillotine WAITING for your head to come off rolling.
But see it from my point of view. This man! Not this specific one cause this is a tv show, but if ANYONE did that, he will not hesitate to do anything else that would cause a lot of commotion. And will not hesitate to save someone else from humiliation. And they would ask you to do the same and be kind to them.

I'd call anyone a legend who will do this!

What if number 43 - On fire!

What if you get so bored, your shoes CATCHES FIRE!!!?

Whhhhaaaaat? Catch fire? Shoes? Bordem? Shoes? Catch fire? What the hell?
These are probably your initial reaction to the first line. I would be too, but seeing as how it's a craft of sarcasm mixed with the creativity / lameness that comes with being bored. If these weren't your initial reaction, maybe "omfg, another post!! Panny posted another what if!!" is.

Anyway, back to the point. As an expression, this would be a rather dangerous one. You'll have a lot of accidental arson cases blazing around school (oh yes, he did, he did! he just used blazing) And everyone would have flame retardant shoes! That's awesome, and everything would have to be flame retardant. At least you won't have to worry about being a castaway on an island, worrying about fire. It'll come around in a while when you REALLY GET BORED.

I know, I'm gonna leave most of this post up to your own imagination, ways you can light fire, or a FIRE KICK!!! IN THE NUTS!!! Channel your inner bordem into a vicious attack using the element of FIRE!

What if number 42 - Potions for sale!!

What if you could get health potions and energy/mana potions in RL!!!? (suggests Joseph)

Well!!! I'm pretty sure someone will try it out on their cut, by drinking it. And then magically they will get patched up instantly!!! NEAT!!! But.... i'll bet it comes at a very very insane price...

Many of the games you see in today's culture... that includes potions... do not allow your player to go to the toilet or even show weakness in any way. It's like... THEY'RE MACHINES!!! *DUH!!!* I'm pretty sure if someone made something of the sort, healing potions... first it'll be taken to the hospital to see if it can cure cancer patients... and when the withdraw symptoms hit, it'll probably kill them instantly. FUN TIMES!!!

Withdraw symptoms maybe be any of the following : Severe Diarrhea, Uncontrollable vomiting, Rectal bleeding, impotence, weakness to the joints, temporary blindness, inability to taste and touch, hemorrhaging in the fingertips, dry mouth. Consult your potion dealer before use.

What if number 41 - Does it come with horses?

What if your pumpkin turned into a carriage?
Well!! Lets just get the obvious things that I'd do out of the way first
1.) rub my eyes and ask myself am I trippin on acid!!
2.) Take a serious chunk out of it with my teeth to see if it's edible.
3.) Ask the fairy god mother that turned it there "who the fuck are you"
4.) Shortly followed by a "Where are the horses?"
After a few minutes of explaining, that bitch told me she's gonna charge me by the hour and I have to provide the horses!! FUCK THAT!! Asked her how come cinderella got two!! She said that she had a "comes with free horses" back in those days SINCE THEY WERE DIRT CHEAP *relativity*

So I jump in the carriage and then chill for a while, and she was just getting so annoying telling me all these minor details. I signed and then turned up the stereo inside (dolby surround 7.1) Sat in there for a good while before I got bored of the music. Called up a bro and got hooked up with a few horses (don't ask). Took the carriage for a ride.

Me and the horses went all the way up to the top of that hill (which took a few hours) and then watched some moon. "Ahhh what a lovely sight" as i stared out from the carriage. Suddenly it started creaking and the entire thing started to shrink. I dived out only to have my foot caught by the door. Next thing I knew, it was a pumpkin again!

FUCKIN FINE PRINT!!!

What if number 40 - My bad doc...

What if you enjoy your prostate examination a little too much?
Was just thinking about the whole checkup thing... As it occurred to me... what if you did... enjoy it a little too much... Been reading about stuff on the internet about how prostate stimulation could be pleasurable. Since the whole point to a prostate examination is to anal probe you, what if.... You... were to be... aroused by this foreign entity?

Well... personally... I'd probably say to the doc... "before we do this... i'm just gonna ask you a few questions... What if i were to be... ya know... aroused at it... cause i've been hearing things ya know... so... i'd like to know you a little better if we are gonna do this - just lemme know, do you likem big titties? or likem nice asses? comon! Just lemme know that at least"
If the doctor is gay... well.... at least he'll be gentle. That's always a plus.

"Ooopse, get the tissue, I'll clean that up" - hehehe
Just a random thought

Oh man.... i'm running low on energy

I think i've poured too much energy into this what if section... looks like the 365 posts will have to be extended a wee bit more.
We'll get back to you after this little break... maybe a week, maybe just a few days...

What if number 39 - Food Transfer

What if all the food you ate went to somebody else? -Suggestion from Von Von

So! FOOD! Some people hate it, some people love it, some people can't get enough of it, and some people can't actually get any of it. Now! As we all sit around the campfire ROASTING MARSHMALLOWS (I'm... meeel... ting....) we come to realise that food is important. While there are still countries out there that suffer from poverty, we shall always finish out meals. All true asians are taught one thing. IT IS A SIN TO LEAVE A GRAIN OF RICE IN YOUR BOWL!! It's true! Totally a sin!!

So... what if we can like... link our stomachs to someone else? Like.... "sponsor a child with this new device that transports all the extra food that you consume into their bodies on the other side of africa". THAT IS ONE LONG CATCH PHRASE. What a mouthfull. Try saying that 10 times 10 times faster than you possibly can.

I got commented that I was so thin, and I eat so much. Jo said that he reckons that all the food that I eat go to him, and all the food that he eats... well... goes to himself. So I'M HUNGRY!!

That would be cool though, but problem is... how would YOU get energy? Didn't think of that one von. EH!

What if number 38 - Lock stocked an ready to rock!

What if the whole zombie thing came to life?
Recently watched a movie called 28 weeks later !!! zomfg zombies!!! well... more like insanely aggressive pathogen that lead to insanity and violence. MMM Zombies!! in other words. Mindlessly eating you!

This is what I'd do :
First thing's first. This is what I'd do. Go to the garden shed (or garage) pick out a shovel/fork. Find a cleaver of some sort. Duct tape. And you have yourself a sturdy extension cleaver! Find some rope so you can hang it on your back.
Next, fill up some clean water and put it in your back pack, some food supplies and then some knives and put them into your vest that you've saved up on. Put on a ski mask and goggles and It's time to go hunting!
After packing my bags for a few weeks travel. I'd phone up my friends to see if they need assistance. Then if they do, i'd rush over and smash some skulls open. But if not, tell them to arm up and then we'll head to the city to liberate some shotguns. Or equally nice, a gun store (if you know where it is - next to work and income on riccarton!!) Clear the city of zombies and find survivors. Well... that's me if zombies were to invade. Similar situation with aliens.

Meh! too much movies i'd say. But... you never know!!! NZ isn't a country someone would test their virus on anyway. Try like.... New York :D or Japan!!! Tokyo highest population density :D

What if number 37 - Me is Loco!

What if you can take crazy pills?

This came to my attention when Muugatu (sp) in Zoolander said "... I feel like I'm taking CRAZY PILLS!!!" TOTALLY AWESOME!!! I can picture a scene in my mind with a psychiatrist sitting on his chair and then a boring patient sits there.
"My life is so boring, I wish I were more.... adventurous," moaned the... moaning man.
"Hummm...." the psychiatrist glares at his wrist watch. (still 50 min!!! FUCK)
"I wish I could be like.... *sigh*"
"Hummm...."
"I sound depressed don't I?"
"Humm...... what? No... of course not."
"You're not listening to me!"
"No~~ don't say that. I'm just considering something (SHIT!)"
"I'm sure you are"
"Here take some crazy pills, they're still in clinical trials but i think you would be okay"
Several minutes after taking the crazy pills, the psychiatrist is thrown out the window from his 32nd floor office.

Wonder if you'll see pretty colours?

What if number 36 - Life Documentary

What if you knew your life is going to be documented one day?

Woooooah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah.... WOAH! This isn't my spiderman costume. As Peter says in Family guy (i thinks) But the point is the amount of WOAH(s) there were. A LOT.

What would you do.... what WOULD you do? I'd just live on! Depressions and hyperactivity like the usual. But that's a little bland isn't it? Do drugs... seek prostitutes (it's legal here at least... still) Jump off bridges (into water) and then get arrested. At least when people watch your life story, they'll go... "wow! What A LOSER!" Or... "LEGEND!" Which I amz ;) *mumbles "I-r-teh-legendz" in the corner*

Have a think. An hour long tv episode on YOU! Wonder what it would be *secretly wishes to dominate the world with his teachings*

What if number 34 and 35 - DOUBLE UP!

What if clouds were really made of candy floss? What if you can fly!!?

Been a little bit lazy recently, and to make it up, this is a special DUO post. Specially formatted for extra fun-age

Well... Where does Superman eat? Well... that's a very nice question. He eats SUPER CEREAL! with Super Moo-Milk and... Super... doughnuts? Maybe...? All reasonable answeres that were never really discussed in any of the comics/film/etc etc. What does superman EAT?!!! Definitely Lewis ;)

ANYWAY! If Superman needs to eat, why not just eat the clouds? Since THEY'RE CANDY FLOSS!!! He can even say to his Super-Dentist that he's been flossin ;) WITH CANDY! He'll probably have a lot of cavities, but it's kewl, he just needs a mirror and then his eye lazer thing. Beeew!!!

Lets cut superman some slack here, if it were you, you'd run up to the sky and eat the candy floss away and then fly to class :D problem solved. What about the airplane's engines? There won't be any... TO BEGIN WITH! Cause you can fly! And eat on the go as well... sweet! Don't have to go down to the nearest island for Maccas.

What if number 33 - Freeze!

What if you had hands so cold when they touch something it freezes?

Well... this will be the first post that sorta include the whole superhero idea (which i've added as a label - indicating there might be more).

"So! Want an ice cream there Timmy?" you ask with your nicest voice
"Yes! I do!" replies Timmy enthusiastically.
"Alright then! *you whip up some stuff with your hands while chilling the cream to a nice temperature of somewhere below 0 :D* DONE!"
"YAY! *as you hand it over to Timmy"
"There's a good boy *you touch his hair and scruffles his head*"
"OUCH! brain fre..."
"Oh fuck! I've frozen his brain.... woops.... *you rush into the front seat of your ice cream truck and drive off at a very fast speed*"

The next day you find on the newspaper there is an article about a man who kidnaps kids and puts them in freezers. CREEPY, who'd do that?

What if number 32 - X-tention?

What if I started including disgusting content to my what ifs?

Well... lately, things have been a bit slow. *throws a dice and then places cards down* I think i need to get the creative juices flowing. But I just can't do it these days. That's why I have a reserve list of things that I've written down.

Some of them interesting... some of them... kinda funny... random... weird.... something i'd probably do in my lifetime (notice how that they are all my labels?). What if I started to include some really really really disgusting stuff.... I know that'll degrade the overall flow of this what if quality, sorta like fear factor, how they sorta just went downhill and then when they've hit rock bottom, they get a diamond bit drill and dig even deeper into the magma! BUT NO! MAGMA DIDN'T STOP THEM! They built that machine that dug through lava and stuff.... like on the core! WORST MOVIE EVER! BAH!

I'll have a think about this, obviously this is quite a big deal imo, cause COMON!!! It's like..... adding shit to a funky sundae. And i like my funky sundaes, with fries in them :D not shit.

What if number 31 - That's a lot of cheese!

What if the moon was made of cheese?

Well.... i suppose... we could send the moon towards the earth and we'll solved hunger for a good long while.... but then again... it might just rot away. That and cause GROBAL RARMING! (global warming) and erase our planet. LETS NUKE IT! says the american government. Cause... they have nukes... LOTS!

Well... if we ignore what we could do with that much cheese... you come to realise. WHO MADE ALL THAT CHEESE? That must be one HUUUUGE BITCH. I mean... cow! The cry of the eternal cow....

Here's a picture I drew that took me longer than it should have... PURELY IN PHOTOSHOP! (wowz - i are newbs)loving that caption ;)

What if number 30 - O..M...G.... *slits writs*

What if Teletubbies made a movie?

First thing's first *rips open his arm with a blade*
On a side note. It's been one MONTH! yayzors!!! (yes zors)
Second thing i would do is if i'm still alive after going to the emergency room and a consult from my therapist, and going through mental rehab. OKAY THAT'S FUCKIN ENOUGH! I'm gonna pick up a chain saw and head towards the Studio in which they made the god damn movie. How? I'll just google it. You might say, what are you gonna do at the studio? I'M GONNA RIP IT UP WITH MY CHAIN SAW!!!! Diamond bit ;) Obviously cause i need to carve through steel.
Third thing after standing outside the studio as it crumbles to the ground slowly. I'll stand in a glorious "superhero-saves-the-day" pose and let the wind catch my hair for a while. Maybe for like... 10 min. Bask in the demolished building's ashes, smell the sweat and tears of the actors that had to put on the damn suits.
Fourth. After the third, I'll jump into my monster truck (yay!) and head on down to kill the purple teletubby. Since he's the ring leader. Roll over ever car that gets in my way. except SUVs, they might flip my monster truck :(. Aside from that! I'll rip into the eldest teletubby. Not with a chain saw though. Just... an operating knife! slowly but surely I'll cut out his brain and examine it for stupidity. Obviously it'll be contaminated in it.
Fifth - Seventh. The other 3 teletubbies will face a strange death. Freak gas explosion. Decapitation. Chewing on his own balls.
FINALLY, I'll end up in jail probably as a hero for saving the world from total destruction. Bask in the glory of penises!

What if number 29 - Whole year promise? (Zettai Yaksoku~~)

What if I could do this for a whole year straight?

Well... first of all, I know I know... I've been saying this to everyone. But! (shikashi) What if i really do pull this stunt off? a massively long blog for 365 posts!! I mean.... that's totally whack right?

At this very moment, I do have a stash of what ifs lined up in my little notepad of mine. WHICH I'M NOT GONNA SHOW ANYONE EVER!!! except maybe myself and George here. I do have some good ones here, some are mediocre, most are above average I'd say. I mean... I did come up with them :D Cause i'm such a legend and all. :D LEGENDZ! with a Z cause i can. I'll try to make it up to 100, then we'll see how far i can go. I'll keep pumping ideas out like a whore house n leaving patrons.

Bottom line is.
It would be awesumz! Totally legendary!